Patience = an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness when confronted with delay; quiet, steady perseverance (Webster)
Faith = being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. (God)
We begin learning at an early age the results of being patient - waiting our turn for the swings to feel the rush of wind on our face and an emptiness in our stomach; raising our hand to answer a question and receive the much-needed teacher's praise; waiting for the cute boy next to us in math class to realize quality girls are smart and kind; waiting for 45 minutes at our favorite restaurant to enjoy deliciously prepared foods we cannot pronounce. Yes, we know what's in store for us if we are patient. As children, we understand that impatience results in being placed in timeout or receiving a hand-slap or not getting the thing that we asked for even though we used our manners. Why is it then that we struggle to master the art of patience -- especially as adults? Have we grasped the true value of patience or mearley learned how to conceal and suppress our restlessness until we get what we want? I confess, my heart aligns more with the latter.
So, where does faith fit in? Being sure of what we hope for...certain of what we cannot see. To date, I have felt that my faith is solid. I trust God with the unseen - big and small. I have faith that God exists and has everyday planned out for me. Faith that somehow he speaks to the soul of each individual person. Faith the Holy Spirit actually dwells inside of me (what a amazing realization). Faith I will one day live eternity in perfect intimacy with him. These I wholeheartedly believe. But, lately my faith has begun to dwindle in certain areas of my life. Most noticibly, my faith that I will be a mother to two perfectly and wonderfully made Ethiopian children. The reason for this lack of faith, I believe, is fear. To long for something with every ounce of your heart and at the same time every once of your brain fears it doesn't exist. That it will never happen. That somehow, this time, the act of patience - supressing my restlessness - will not yeild the desired results.
This is where faith and a patience heart must coincide. For me, one cannot exist without the other. If I fear that which I'm patient for does not exist, I do not have faith. Likewise, if I believe that what I long for exists but am restless in waiting for it, I do not have faith.
Although I fight it, God is seemingly relentless to teach me the vaule of tue patience - a restful and steady perserverence - along with the vaule of faith -fearlessingly waiting for what we hope for and cannot see.
My prayer request - a fearless faith that God is taking care of our children who we hope for and cannot see, and in the meantime, walking with us through this journey as He teaches us to not mearley suppress our restlessness but rather to learn true patience and not become restless at all.
Dear Kathryn, It is always faith-building to see each adoption story unfold.A true blessing of growing older is to have seen many stories being written by the hand of God, and witnessing His work in putting children in their homes.I remember these same doubts, and wondering if my role was to be the facilitator to bring children into other peoples homes, but not into my own. God heard my plea, as you know:), and we are now blessed to have an 11 and 13 year old, who are in the exact home God always had in mind for them. I look forward to hearing your story, as God unfolds it. He is faithful, even when we doubt.Blessiings!
ReplyDelete